MILFology Part Five: The American Cougar

The American Cougar

All right, perhaps that’s not completely just: there are cougars in every country. But only in youth-obsessed, sex-obsessed America could the phenomenon of a 40-something woman sexually exploding in her middle age be worthy enough to spark a few network TV shows. The truth is, all countries have cougars.

So what is a cougar, as opposed to a MILF? A cougar is a woman in her late 30s to mid-40s (perhaps older – your mileage may vary) who is sexually aggressive, usually with a younger man. While conventional wisdom and fifty years of consumer mass marketing have told us all that a woman loses her appeal after she’s 25, these ladies didn’t get the memo. They combine the self-confidence of a Prime MILF with the I-don’t-give-a-damn-I-want-to-get-laid! attitude of a lusty 18 year old, hormone-poisoned young man (which is their diet of choice). Cougars are past all the bullshit about looks and relationships and even long conversations – they simply want dick, they don’t necessarily want the man attached.

In fact, cougars (in my experience) actually seem to prefer a sense of anonymity in their hook-ups – they have come to the sensible conclusion that love is love and sex is sex and neither one necessarily leads to “happily ever after”, like they believed when they were young. While this might pain the romantic in us all, the up-side is that there are a lot less cranky, horny old ladies in the world now that it’s becoming socially acceptable for a mature woman to hook-up with a young, virile stud.

Then there is the cougar fantasy amongst men – and yes, ladies, it exists. In droves. A middle-aged female friend of mine (a well-known erotica writer) recently called the whole MILF phenom a fad based on “spectacle”, that is, guys got a perverse sense of satisfaction from watching some old bag desperate for dick be grateful for whatever screw she could get. She insisted that our youth-obsessed culture had promoted the blonde-haired-blue-eyed-beach-bunny with huge boobs and a perfect figure as the only thing men want – and while there are certainly those who prefer that sort of thing, the MILF craze goes far beyond mere spectacle. And the cougar phenom is prime evidence for that fact.

I’ve watched a lot of MILF porn, talked about the whole Milfology of the thing, exploring this subject in great detail, and with a significant degree of confidence I can say that many men do, indeed, like an older woman – sometimes much older – and can appreciate them for something other than a freak-show. I countered my friend’s argument by pointing out that she, herself, had bought into the “what men want in a woman” mass-media party line that she was protesting.

Why? Because if MILFs and cougars were mere spectacle, then they wouldn’t have been such strong, consistent sellers. The porn industry is an outstanding example of the free-market in action: porn producers produce what sells. Period. And MILF sells, far beyond what a mere fad would. Not only are the folks in Porn Valley churning out more and more MILF every week (hell, every day!) they’re expanding the niche into girl-girl (“cougars and kittens”), Milf-on-Milf, threesomes, pulling trains, and more. Interracial MILF is big, and so is black MILF. So I can safely say that there are a lot of men who appreciate the cougar concept enough to put down their hard-earned money to watch these lusty mature ladies get powerfully screwed on screen.

Cougars are known for their sexual aggressiveness, which their sophisticated experience finds amusing when it makes a younger man squirm. Younger guys are used to being the pursuer, not the pursued, and when they realize that an older woman not only wants him, but wants him bad enough to get really nasty before their clothes even come off, some guys freeze up like a deer in headlights. It’s the “Mrs. Robinson” thing, on a national scale. When a cougar wants cock, she’s going to get it and she won’t take no for an answer.

Why do guys like cougars? The aggressiveness and confidence is sexy, of course, as is the self-esteem building idea that a woman your mom’s age wants to blow you. But I think Cosmo summed it up best in one of their several articles on the “dangers of cougars” (and I’m paraphrasing, here): “Men like cougars because they share something in common that younger women don’t: they both like casual, no-strings-attached kinky sex.”

Which is why cougars are “dangerous” to younger women. A young woman in her prime is used to being aggressively pursued for sex by her male peers, and she spends most of her time countering that constant challenge (while getting a massive ego and self-esteem jolt out of the experience). A younger woman can allude to sex, be outrageously flirtatious, drink a bunch of free drinks, get a guy to change her oil, change a tire, take out her garbage, take her out to dinner and a host of other favors based entirely on her youth, desirability and attractiveness – without actually putting out. And they see that as a net positive. By keeping sex hanging out there like a carrot in front of a donkey, she can steer her way through life and only have sex when she feels like it.

Then along comes the Cougar. Suddenly the bar is a less-friendly place – she still gets attention, but her flirtations and endless stalling fall flat when the middle-aged, attractive woman at the end of the bar is not just flirting, but aggressively suggesting that the young studs around her just take her home and do her right. Faced with the choice between young pussy you have to work hard for (and then, once you get it, probably doesn’t really know what it’s doing) or older pussy that lets you know up front that you don’t have to work hard for it, buy it dinner, change its oil, etc. PLUS it knows how to fuck after years of experience – well, the choice isn’t hard to make. Younger women want relationships, then sex. Younger men want sex, and if they have to put up with a relationship to get it, well, they will.

But faced with that choice, they’ll ditch the girl seven times out of ten and hit that older pussy eagerly, after overcoming some initial misgivings. And they can hit it and know when they leave the next day they won’t be facing a barrage of phone calls, texts and emails about when they’re planning on calling next. Cougars, to guys, are the ultimate freebie, the perfect booty call. Mature attractiveness, sexual confidence, a lifetime of sexual experience, open sexual availability and no desire for a long-term commitment (or sometimes even an exchange of phone numbers) is a winner for a young horny dude. Perky titties, a nice smile, and the elusive promise of a third-date blowjob just can’t measure up.

And sometimes those random cougar-cub hook-ups work out, too – two of my male friends have found girlfriends almost as old as their moms, and they couldn’t be happier. They’re getting all of the sex they can handle AND they get the mothering their little-boy souls still desire. And meanwhile, there are two lonely younger girls out there at a bar somewhere wondering where all the good men have gone.

They’ve gone to the big leagues, sweetie. Cougartown.

EXAMPLES:
Sophisticated spinach-salad-and-chardonnay “ladies who lunch”.
Thrice-divorced career women with disposable income and their own condos.
“Empty Nesters” who want to feel young again.
Hormone-crazed Country Club cougars eager to sample the working class cocks they’ve always fantasized about.
Your best friend’s mom.


NEXT: PART 6 GILFs (Yes, it means what you think.)

MILFology, Part Four: The Prime MILF

Then there are the “Prime MILFs”, the thirty-something Moms who are hitting their physical sexual peak. The whole “horny housewife” motif is at work here, despite the thinness of actual stay-at-home housewives on the ground these days. Conversely, this type of mature woman also fits nicely into the “Office Manager” fantasy for most men (different from the “Office Temp” fantasy, which usually employs a non-MILF fresh-faced “innocent” young woman). So why are these MILFs attractive?

Firstly, there is her rising self-confidence, occasionally coinciding with a hormonal surge. Biologically speaking, their bodies are screaming at them that they are in the prime of their sexual life, still young enough to be desirable to most men yet old enough to make the most of their sexuality. Their blood is coursing with changing hormones that can make them mad-horny. They have lost enough inhibitions through experience that they are beyond self-consciousness about their sexuality (unless they’ve gotten broken somewhere along the way – that’s a different fantasy altogether) and are beginning to get comfortable with their own desires.

By the time their 30s roll around, a Prime MILF has usually been through enough relationships and poor decision-making to begin developing the sublime confidence that makes them so attractive. They have begun to realize that sexual attraction and emotional fulfillment are two separate things, and that most men aren’t worth their time to court – but (if single or straying) they certainly don’t mind a healthy dose of dick completely unconnected with their emotional life.

No bullshit, no courtship, no metaphorical beating around the bush, the Prime MILF’s have given up all but a vestige of the teasing coquette they may have once been in exchange for the mature, selfish pursuit of sexual pleasure. Their experience with men has taught them how to confidently manipulate them to get what they want, but also taught them the foolishness of trying to “manage” them. Instead they offer (often younger) men exactly what the fresh young girls haven’t realized: that guys will do just about anything for sex, screw the relationship crap.

Prime MILFs are sometimes the victim of “seven year itch”, and is in a prime position for marital infidelity, in theory. Or they have worked their way through a marriage or two, or at least a few serious relationships, and they understand how the male/female dynamic works a LOT better – and work it to their sexual advantage. That rarely wins them friends among their younger, less-experienced colleagues (Cosmo has run a couple of articles on “the Dangers of Cougars” already!) but it does give them a reasonably steady supply of prick without the mess and fuss of a sticky relationship.

EXAMPLES:
Lonely Suburban Housewives (see MILF hall-of-famer Mrs. Brady)
Busy Soccer Moms Who Really Want Jimmy To Start This Season
Affluent And Undersexed Starbucks Moms
Middle Management Working Moms
“When Did I Start Looking At Young Guys Like That?” Moms
“Is That A Wedding Ring And Does It Really Matter?” Moms

Next Up: Part 5: The American Cougar

MILFology, Part Three: The Young MILF ("Mommy")

A recent development in MILFology has been the sub-nicheing of different kinds of MILFs. Like most “fetishy” niches, there is a variety within the theme with many different and diverse attractions. Today it isn’t “one MILF fits all”, there is definitely more than one kind of mature woman worthy of our lust and appreciation. Let’s run through the various spectra of MILFhood, and break down the attractions, shall we?

First there are what we call the “Young MILFs”, women in their late twenties or early thirties in the bloom of new motherhood: Mommies. Often the allure of these freshly minted MILFs is their sudden appreciation of their sexual maturity – the tentative, experimental days of youth are gone with the pangs of childbirth, as are the petty concerns that once haunted them. After undergoing pregnancy and the massive metabolic changes and physical interruption of the standard sexual organs (like, for instance, the Titty Fairy arriving and granting them the boobs they wanted since High School, and the less-eagerly-anticipated Stretch Mark Fairy), not to mention the emotional trauma of the experience, the Young MILF has begun to realize just how much of their early sex life was BS and which parts are really important to them. Their sexual responses are less about their attractiveness or how they are pleasing their men, and more about pleasing themselves.

As Petra, Wise Young Mommy and blogger of Sex And The Suburbs blog states so eloquently about this phase:

I got married, moved in with my in-laws, had a child, and bought a house. I went from being a publishing/editorial assistant in a publishing company to a work from home editor and writer to an unemployed blogger. I also went from being 25, in the best shape of my life, having sex almost every day to 30, saggy and stretched out and having sex about once or twice a week. If I saw myself now back then, I would be horrified. Then I would go admire myself naked in the mirror and go have some crazy sex.

For our part, there is something about a new mother that invokes the protective nature in most men. Call it the flip side of motherly nurturing, the fatherly protective instinct can often propel a man into a collision course with a Mommy because she stimulates our evolutionarily developed instinct to protect the young and the nursing mothers. Despite some more radical interpretations of feminism, which see this attraction as somehow demeaning or insulting to an independent woman, this essential male instinct is designed to do neither. Nor can we divorce the protective from the sexual -- the two primal motivations are forever and intrinsically linked. When we men see innocence and vulnerability, there is a sexual twinge to the emotion that compels us to action the way no mere philosophy or morality does. Unfortunately, our society has tried to separate motherhood from sex to the extent that sometimes we feel guilty, or are castigated, by our sexual attraction to young mothers. Madonna or whore, there is no place in traditional Western thinking for a sexually active mother, nor a man who is attracted to the same. Mommies make us hard. That isn't sick. Don't make us ashamed of it, it's perfectly natural.

Often these women have suddenly become intimately aware of their sexuality and its connection to the over-all life force of the universe, seen through the filter of motherhood, and they embrace it as hungrily and as eagerly as free sample of Godiva Chocolate at the mall. Sometimes there is a certain desperate desire to reclaim their sexuality after the long pregnancy and infancy stages, and they want to prove to themselves and their partners that they and their suddenly-stretch-marked body can still perform like the 22 year-old hottie they remember being. Or perhaps it’s just been a while since their husband/boyfriend/passing stranger has given these new mommies the sexual fulfillment they need, and they just wanna get righteously fucked!

Examples:
“My Husband Hasn’t Touched Me Since The Delivery!” Mommies
“OMG – I Can’t Be Someone’s Mommy Yet!” Mommies
“I’ll Do Anything To Get My Kid Into Daycare” Mommies
“I’m Still Attractive, Aren’t I? AREN’T I?!?” Mommies
"I Can Still Blow A Dude In A Bathroom Because I'm Not THAT Old Yet" Mommies

NEXT: THE PRIME MILF

MILF Monday pick: Big Titty MILF 10

If there's one thing I like better than MILFs, it's MILFs with big boobs -- and Big Titty MILFs 10 has five sexy MILFs with amazingly gorgeous tits! I checked it out at Adamandeveondemand and the highlight is definitely cover-MILF Janet Mason. Now, it's arguable that I favored her because I'm partial to redheads, but she bears a striking resemblance to the redhead on Desperate Housewives, and watching her suck cock was dreamy. I can't mention Janet without mentioning Vannah Sterling, who has boobs you could become pleasantly lost in for a couple of months and screws like she hasn't had a dick in about that long. Hot. It's a two-hour flick, and at a good price (don't be afraid to root around the site for deals -- they run specials all the time, which is why I like 'em) so if you're in the mood for MILFy mamms this Monday, check it out!

Cool post: Putting the "love" in MILF

A dude TOTALLY goes off on how he's drawn to MILFs. Totally. A sample:

My friends who had babies make me feel funny in my zipper district. This is new. Awkward. It’s not like I’m going to say anything, like, “Your daughter is beautiful and so is your ass.” But I’m confessing here, comrades.

Follow the link for the whole blessed article. But this points out that not all of our immediate crushes are on hot blonde 18 year old nymphs. Sometimes there's nothing sexier than a woman with a minivan and a grocery list and a great pair of tits.

Introduction to MILFology: What's with all the MILF?

Hi. I'm Eddie Poser. I love MILFs, matures, cougars, and am fascinated with all sorts of age-related sexual stuff. But mostly MILFs. I love MILF porn, and love the whole concept of a sexy, mature older woman. But for those of you who stumbled here after googling "MILK" and typoed, allow me to enlighten you in my multi-post series, WHAT'S A MILF?

PART ONE: Where did MILF come from?

The term “MILF” was coined in American popular culture in the movie American Pie, a goofy comedy about a group of four boys coming of age . . . and that means getting laid. One particular character’s mom was described as a MILF: a “Mother I’d Like To Fuck”. The term caught on, and with the success a few years later of Desperate Housewives – which reveled in the infidelities of four suburban MILFs – the idea caught fire.

And I mean caught FIRE. In the last few years, MILFs have become one of our best-selling niches. See Cougartown, for example. One can’t help but want to understand the why’s of this phenomenon. The “Mature” category has been around on the fringes of porndom for years, of course, but it has always languished with the “hairy”, “chunky”, and other marginal niches. Quite frankly, apart from a few devoted fans, there wasn’t much call for “mature” titles.

But all that has changed, and part of that change has involved the term “MILF”. A guy can get away with saying, “Yeah, I’ve got a MILF fetish” without fear of ridicule, because MILF can cover an awful lot of territory – just because a woman has a baby doesn’t mean she automatically loses her sex appeal! Whereas few otherwise-normal fellas would be likely to boast “Yeah, I got a thing for wrinkles and cellulose – give me more o’ that!”, having a convenient short-hand has cleaned up the stigma of the niche.

Apart from the name, there are other major factors. One has to be a reaction to the pornworld of the 80s and 90s, in which fake boobs, big hair, outrageous makeup, and over-airbrushed performers had turned the industry-standard into a virtual parody of the young, big-titted blonde. As the Internet rose to provide more variety, and the popularity of “home movies” featuring real people in authentic sex-scenes grew, by the late 1990s the market was primed for extreme MILFyness.

What other factors figure into the appeal of MILFhood? Perhaps the number of sexy celebs who have had children and still maintained -- or even augmented – their sex appeal afterwards. Early motherhood does leave its mark on a woman’s body, and while most moms complain bitterly about the extra padding on the hips and belly (among other things best not discussed in this venue), the fact is that the Booby Fairy often visits in a BIG way. Seeing those jugs used the way Nature intended them to be brings out a special sexiness in a woman.

The presence of a vestigial Oedipus complex is also undeniable. Not that liking MILFs means you want to do your own mother – that’s just gross – but consider the fact that when most males are enjoying their formative sexual experiences, they naturally crush on the sexy, “sexually available” and undoubtedly sexually experienced bodies of their teachers, their mom’s friends, attractive neighbors, and actresses who are much, much older than they are. It’s axiomatic that our sexual preferences linger with those elements that we’re initially introduced to (which is why I have a slightly unhealthy attachment to Ford Mustangs . . . but that’s another story . . .) and the idea that a man who found older women sexy in his youth might STILL find them sexy later on in life is quite plausible.

Stick around for more in PART TWO