The American Cougar
All right, perhaps that’s not completely just: there are cougars in every country. But only in youth-obsessed, sex-obsessed America could the phenomenon of a 40-something woman sexually exploding in her middle age be worthy enough to spark a few network TV shows. The truth is, all countries have cougars.
So what is a cougar, as opposed to a MILF? A cougar is a woman in her late 30s to mid-40s (perhaps older – your mileage may vary) who is sexually aggressive, usually with a younger man. While conventional wisdom and fifty years of consumer mass marketing have told us all that a woman loses her appeal after she’s 25, these ladies didn’t get the memo. They combine the self-confidence of a Prime MILF with the I-don’t-give-a-damn-I-want-to-get-laid! attitude of a lusty 18 year old, hormone-poisoned young man (which is their diet of choice). Cougars are past all the bullshit about looks and relationships and even long conversations – they simply want dick, they don’t necessarily want the man attached.
In fact, cougars (in my experience) actually seem to prefer a sense of anonymity in their hook-ups – they have come to the sensible conclusion that love is love and sex is sex and neither one necessarily leads to “happily ever after”, like they believed when they were young. While this might pain the romantic in us all, the up-side is that there are a lot less cranky, horny old ladies in the world now that it’s becoming socially acceptable for a mature woman to hook-up with a young, virile stud.
Then there is the cougar fantasy amongst men – and yes, ladies, it exists. In droves. A middle-aged female friend of mine (a well-known erotica writer) recently called the whole MILF phenom a fad based on “spectacle”, that is, guys got a perverse sense of satisfaction from watching some old bag desperate for dick be grateful for whatever screw she could get. She insisted that our youth-obsessed culture had promoted the blonde-haired-blue-eyed-beach-bunny with huge boobs and a perfect figure as the only thing men want – and while there are certainly those who prefer that sort of thing, the MILF craze goes far beyond mere spectacle. And the cougar phenom is prime evidence for that fact.
I’ve watched a lot of MILF porn, talked about the whole Milfology of the thing, exploring this subject in great detail, and with a significant degree of confidence I can say that many men do, indeed, like an older woman – sometimes much older – and can appreciate them for something other than a freak-show. I countered my friend’s argument by pointing out that she, herself, had bought into the “what men want in a woman” mass-media party line that she was protesting.
Why? Because if MILFs and cougars were mere spectacle, then they wouldn’t have been such strong, consistent sellers. The porn industry is an outstanding example of the free-market in action: porn producers produce what sells. Period. And MILF sells, far beyond what a mere fad would. Not only are the folks in Porn Valley churning out more and more MILF every week (hell, every day!) they’re expanding the niche into girl-girl (“cougars and kittens”), Milf-on-Milf, threesomes, pulling trains, and more. Interracial MILF is big, and so is black MILF. So I can safely say that there are a lot of men who appreciate the cougar concept enough to put down their hard-earned money to watch these lusty mature ladies get powerfully screwed on screen.
Cougars are known for their sexual aggressiveness, which their sophisticated experience finds amusing when it makes a younger man squirm. Younger guys are used to being the pursuer, not the pursued, and when they realize that an older woman not only wants him, but wants him bad enough to get really nasty before their clothes even come off, some guys freeze up like a deer in headlights. It’s the “Mrs. Robinson” thing, on a national scale. When a cougar wants cock, she’s going to get it and she won’t take no for an answer.
Why do guys like cougars? The aggressiveness and confidence is sexy, of course, as is the self-esteem building idea that a woman your mom’s age wants to blow you. But I think Cosmo summed it up best in one of their several articles on the “dangers of cougars” (and I’m paraphrasing, here): “Men like cougars because they share something in common that younger women don’t: they both like casual, no-strings-attached kinky sex.”
Which is why cougars are “dangerous” to younger women. A young woman in her prime is used to being aggressively pursued for sex by her male peers, and she spends most of her time countering that constant challenge (while getting a massive ego and self-esteem jolt out of the experience). A younger woman can allude to sex, be outrageously flirtatious, drink a bunch of free drinks, get a guy to change her oil, change a tire, take out her garbage, take her out to dinner and a host of other favors based entirely on her youth, desirability and attractiveness – without actually putting out. And they see that as a net positive. By keeping sex hanging out there like a carrot in front of a donkey, she can steer her way through life and only have sex when she feels like it.
Then along comes the Cougar. Suddenly the bar is a less-friendly place – she still gets attention, but her flirtations and endless stalling fall flat when the middle-aged, attractive woman at the end of the bar is not just flirting, but aggressively suggesting that the young studs around her just take her home and do her right. Faced with the choice between young pussy you have to work hard for (and then, once you get it, probably doesn’t really know what it’s doing) or older pussy that lets you know up front that you don’t have to work hard for it, buy it dinner, change its oil, etc. PLUS it knows how to fuck after years of experience – well, the choice isn’t hard to make. Younger women want relationships, then sex. Younger men want sex, and if they have to put up with a relationship to get it, well, they will.
But faced with that choice, they’ll ditch the girl seven times out of ten and hit that older pussy eagerly, after overcoming some initial misgivings. And they can hit it and know when they leave the next day they won’t be facing a barrage of phone calls, texts and emails about when they’re planning on calling next. Cougars, to guys, are the ultimate freebie, the perfect booty call. Mature attractiveness, sexual confidence, a lifetime of sexual experience, open sexual availability and no desire for a long-term commitment (or sometimes even an exchange of phone numbers) is a winner for a young horny dude. Perky titties, a nice smile, and the elusive promise of a third-date blowjob just can’t measure up.
And sometimes those random cougar-cub hook-ups work out, too – two of my male friends have found girlfriends almost as old as their moms, and they couldn’t be happier. They’re getting all of the sex they can handle AND they get the mothering their little-boy souls still desire. And meanwhile, there are two lonely younger girls out there at a bar somewhere wondering where all the good men have gone.
They’ve gone to the big leagues, sweetie. Cougartown.
EXAMPLES:
Sophisticated spinach-salad-and-chardonnay “ladies who lunch”.
Thrice-divorced career women with disposable income and their own condos.
“Empty Nesters” who want to feel young again.
Hormone-crazed Country Club cougars eager to sample the working class cocks they’ve always fantasized about.
Your best friend’s mom.
NEXT: PART 6 GILFs (Yes, it means what you think.)
